


Liar.

by CinnamonYelyah



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Frank iero is a sad motherfucker, Frerard, I'm really sorry in advance, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Pain, bert mccracken is there but we never see him, gerard is the asshole here not bert not lynz dont pin whatever this is on them theyre BABIES, i am also a sad motherfucker, i am frank iero, i think, my chemical romance - Freeform, no really, theres like no fluff or smut or anything it just hurts, toxic/abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:00:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23795017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinnamonYelyah/pseuds/CinnamonYelyah
Summary: “I think I’m going to die alone, Frankie.”It always started like this when he was drunk. He would self deprecate.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Gerard Way/Bert Mccracken (mentioned), Gerard Way/Lindsey Ballato (mentioned)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	Liar.

**Author's Note:**

> Before I start this I just wanna say this work was not written to romanticize any form of abuse, substance or relationship.

It was 1 AM, again. 

Frank lay in the dark, staring unblinking at the ceiling like he did every night. He was trapped in his own thoughts and made no attempt to free himself. He gave up on that after the eighth week of pure fucking torture. 

He was caught in a fight with Gerard. Their last face to face argument before it all went to shit and they stopped being friends and became distant acquaintances, barely. It always started like this.

The fight had started because Gerard relapsed, got drunk and Frank came home to him curled up on the ground next to the sofa, bottle in hand and tears flowing freely down his blank face. He had looked up at Frank and spoke to him in an empty voice. 

_“I think I’m going to die alone, Frankie.”_

_It always started like this when he was drunk. He would self deprecate._

_Frank, of course, would swallow the lump in his throat and kneel next to the other, wiping away his tears and whispering “No you won’t. I’m here. It’s going to be okay.” Making promises he knew he couldn’t keep._

_“I will” insisted Gerard, making a half-assed attempt to push Frank away. “I’m fucking useless, I’m going to die alone because nobody likes me and i’m awful. I have problems and I can't fix them because I don’t want to. I don’t want to get better and that means I’m going to die alone.”_

Frank hated this. Turning his head he saw that hardly any time had passed since he started this horrible flashback. What felt like an hour only turned out to be 3 minutes. He looked back at the ceiling, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and fell back under.

_“That’s not true, Gee..” he cupped Gerards face, knowing his attempt to discourage the man's self pity was in vain. Gerard never believed him when he was like this. Hell, he probably didn’t believe him when he wasn’t. “You’re admitting that you have problems, that's the first step to getting better.” Frank looked at Gerards face, feeling his own heart shatter when his eyes weren’t met._

_“But I don’t want to..I don’t wanna be better. I like being like this.” Gerard hiccuped, shaking and gripping Frank's wrist. “I think I like being fucked up.”_

_“Then...” Frank paused, trying to figure out how to tackle this. “Then that’s just something we have to work through. Therapy, we can get you help. We can overcome this problem.”_

_The transition between self deprecation and self defense was almost instant, Gerard became a whole new person and it scared Frank._

_“I don’t need it.” the tears stopped almost instantly, Gerard’s shift in mood so quick you’d miss it if you blinked. Frank never misses it._

_“Gerard-“ Frank starts, cut off by Gerard tightening his grip on the younger man's wrist, squeezing to the point where it was uncomfortable. “Gee, please-“_

_“I don’t-“ Gerard’s eyes bore into his, finally making eye contact. “-need it.”_

_“Yes you do!” Frank cried, trying to release his arm from the steel grip Gerard kept on it. “Gerard, you said it yourself, you have a problem. Problems. I’m trying to help you!” He could feel himself getting more and more anxious, tears building up behind his eyes._

_Gerard dropped his wrist, face still blank and voice now tinted with a sneer. “I don’t have a problem.” Denial. His best weapon, next to silence._

_Frank hated how pathetic he had begun to feel. Rubbing his sore wrist and biting back small cries. “Yes, you do. Goddamnit Gerard you do have a problem you just admitted you had a problem!”_

_“Liar.”_

_There was so much venom behind the word that it caused Frank’s knees to give out and left him in shock. Gerard had never called him a liar before, he’d been told to drop it, to be quiet, sometimes he was just met with a huff and nothing else, but never just a single word. Never THAT single word._

_“I- I’m not-“ the tears finally broke through to the surface of Frank's eyes, spilling past the lashes and falling onto the floor under him. “I’m not lying to you..”_

_“Yes you are.” Gerard grit his teeth, venom dripping from his voice. “you’re lying.”_

**1:30**. The clock next to Frank's bed glowed bright and neon, had it really only been 30 minutes since Frank trapped himself in the worst moment of his life? it felt like days had passed. 

_“No I’m not!” The volume of Frank's voice surprised Gerard, and even Frank himself. “You always do this! you always try to deny you have a problem! I’m just trying to help you!” Frank's words came out broken and shaky, he couldn't breathe anymore, not that Gerard cared any._

_“Please, Gee. I just want to help you..” Frank's voice was barely above a whisper. He got no response, only a quiet “hmph” from Gerard, which made his heart sink._

_Frank was left on the floor after that, Gerard telling him he “needed a minute to think” which was code for “I’m going to stop talking to you for however long I can”, no kiss, no ‘I love you’, just utter silence._

_Frank had spent the next few weeks trying not to eat his own heart, observing Gerards actions. Flinching every time the office door was slammed and loudly locked. Crying to himself whenever he could hear Gerard pacing in the next room instead of cuddling up to him at night. Muttering to himself._

_Frank hated it. He missed the closeness. He missed hearing Gerards voice._

_He felt so needy and small like this, without Gerard. He would catch himself whimpering and whining when Gerard was close to him, begging for even a split second glance, ANYTHING. Gerard continued to ignore him. It was torture, and Frank fucking hated it._

_He tried to busy himself with little things, cleaning, going out with friends, music, and he felt better for the most part. Until he would get home and Gerard’s deafening and angry silence clouded his brain and wrapped around him, coating him in a thick feeling of worthlessness._

_He wasn’t expecting to hear Gerard’s voice when he walked through the door this time but his ears picked it up immediately._

_“Frankie....” he was quiet, and Frank feared that he had been drinking again. He walked into the living room and found Gerard in the same place as last time, crying, but sans bottle, thankfully._

_Gerard looked up at him with big wet eyes, sorrow clear on his expression. “Frankie, I fucked up.. I did something bad.” Frank’s heart rate went up, immediately panicked and worrying. He wrapped his arms around Gerard as soon as he got close enough, petting his hair and shushing him._

_“Gee what happened, are you alright? what did you do, honey?” He held the shaking man close, trying to slow his own hammering heart._

_“I fucked up really bad. I’m sorry Frankie I’m sorry please forgive me I’m so fucking sorry-“ Frank cupped Gerards face, looking at him with concern. “Gerard. What did you do?” The older man bit his lip, lowering his voice_

_“I...I betrayed you...I broke your trust.” Tears continued to fall from Gerards eyes, his voice as shaky as the rest of him._

_“Baby, what do you mean? How-“ Frank took a breath, trying to calm down still. “How did you betray me?”_

_there was a long pause, a different kind of silence in the air before Gerard whispered_

_“I was with someone else..I-“ his lip quivered, tears not letting up. “I cheated”_

_It was Franks turn to be silent now, the weight of Gerard's statement sinking in slowly. “Oh..”_

_He couldn’t quite process the feeling, or form any words. He brought his hands down from Gerards face and stared off for a moment, the only sound being quiet sniffles from Gerard._

_“Oh.”_

_They didn’t speak again until the next day, when Frank finally found the words and began to ask questions._

_“Gee...I wanna know why..a-and with who?” Frank ran his hands over his knees, waiting for the answers._

_Gerard seemed uncomfortable, shifting in his seat and unable to meet the others eyes before opening his mouth. “Bert..I-... It was with Bert. We ran into each other and ended up making out in an alley after catching up...I guess we still have..had.. feelings for each other. But that’s as far as it went, I felt awful afterwards and couldn’t bear to be there so I came home and waited for you... Frankie I’m so sorry, I know how awful this makes me.”_

_Frank stayed silent for a while, thinking about what to do next. “Well...You’re clearly in shambles over this. You didn’t mean to hurt me when you did it..” he trailed off, taking Gerards hands. “Gee, it’s okay. I forgive you.”_

**1:45** , Frank blinked slowly, wondering why the fuck he ever did such a stupid thing. If he knew then what he knows now he would’ve walked out then and there to save himself the extra time. But he didn’t. He stayed because he was scared. Scared that Gerard might try something if he just got up and left him.

 **1:46**. God, does time crawl on ever so slowly.. 

He hated remembering.

_A week or so- maybe more, maybe less, Frank couldn’t remember anymore- after Gerard confessed to cheating on him, Frank had woken up alone. Gerard wasn’t anywhere, he wouldn’t answer his phone, or any social media. It was like he had completely vanished. He reached out to Ray, who was just as confused and tried to get in contact to no avail._

_When Gerard finally resurfaced, it was online and he paid no attention to Frank whatsoever talking to anyone and everyone that wasn't him. Ray explained what had happened when Gerard messaged him back. How Gerard and Lindsey got back together and how Gerard thought cutting him off completely was the best solution, so Frank “didn’t have to hurt so much.”_

_That solution turned out to be bullshit. If anything it made him hurt ten times worse. There were no goodbyes, no apologies, no mutual understandings. He was just dropped without a second thought and a half assed “it’s not you it’s me” excuse that couldn’t even be delivered in person._

**1:49**...... **1:50**. Frank rolled onto his side, finally letting the tears that had worked their way out of his eyes fall onto his pillowcase. Gerard still hasn’t spoken to him, it’s been months. Frank wonders what He’s doing, if he’s happy. He reaches up and grabs his phone from the nightstand, surprised to see a couple of texts from Mikey. 

**1:25 AM** : ‘He still loves you. He thought if he left you he could get help.’

 **1:33 AM** ‘He thought if he made you mad you wouldn’t have to focus on the pain.’

 **1:47 AM** : ‘He thinks you won’t forgive him.’

Frank scowled, ignoring Mikey and deciding to instead go to Gerard’s contact. Of course he’d be forgiven, of course he would, how could Frank ever say no to him?.

He pulled up his keyboard and began to type.

‘Are you happy?.’ 

Frank hesitates and then erases the message before retyping

‘I’m sorry.. miss you.’ 

again, he erases the message. 

Frank’s head is full of a million thoughts, torn between begging for Gerard to come back and going defensive.

He chooses defence and switches back to Mikey’s texts, typing out a quick one, ' _When he wants to face me again I'll listen_ ', before shutting his phone off and laying back down, a glance at the clock shows that the time now reads **2:00AM**.

He closes his eyes and lets exhaustion overtake him.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyyyy so first off,,,,, I'm sorry.  
> If you cried just know I'm crying with you. 
> 
> I started writing this during work today just to vent, had no intention of turning it into anything and then suddenly it was 4 pages long and people asked me to upload it so here I am.
> 
> I don't wanna get too emotional or personal here so I'm just gonna say that this was written to help me cope with some shit i was going through a few years ago. I'm doing much better but I still need to get a lot of things out of my system. 
> 
> This is coming from a place of great vulnerability. Please be kind.


End file.
